The everyday adventures of Sara in the city....

Be a Mentor Sara

2007-11-12T13:36:00.001-08:00

It's been a while since I have written a blog, I know... so here's the exciting update:

Friends: same
Boyfriend: same
Friends' Boyfriends: same
Family: same
Living situation: ugh, same
Job: new (updates to follow)
Dog: same

Yep, I think that catches everyone up.

Okay, so as everyone is aware, I started a new job about 2 months ago. One of the first things that was made very clear to me from my second day on, was that they were looking for me to mentor the young ones in the office. It was also made fairly clear, that the higher ups were hoping that the mentoring would be taken beyond the office and into the personal realm as well. This, to me, is a complete joke. While I am quite good at faking being put together, I am, beyond all doubt, the biggest head case to ever walk the face of the earth. Being completely honest with myself about said glitches in overall togetherness...I, of course, smiled at my bosses and said... "absolutely".

This past Thursday in an effort to be a mentor, I went out and treated the young ones (ages 22-23)to drinks after work. I did this after popping two Tylenol Cold and Sinus tablets. One and a half beers later, the conversation went something like this:

Me: I'll give you a little piece of advice that no one bothered to tell me...
Young ones: what!?
yes, please tell us!?
yes, what is it!?
Me: It's called the quarter life crisis...
YO: !?
Me: Yep. It's when everyone freaks out when they are 25 about their careers, their relationships, their family...everything. Oh, and it's when every 5 year long relationship bites the dust.
YO: Wait?... How?... What do you mean?
Me: Well, basically, everything you think you know...you don't ... and there's no point in being in a relationship right now, because you're just going to end up breaking up.... I mean, utter heart ache... So just, work hard, drink hard, enjoy your friends....and then meet some nice boy when you're like 26 or so.
YO: (complete silence - faces looking of utter devestation)
Me: (looking very pleased with myself)

Yep, I'm a great mentor.

rearranging the almosts

2007-08-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

When I was younger any time I felt a need for change I would rearrange the furniture in my bedroom. Now that I'm older and living in a much smaller apartment in NYC, when I need change I rip everything out of my closet and put it all back together. My mother always said that I'm just displacing for the things I really wish to change and the reason I continue to rearrange is because it's my way of figuring out what it is I really need to change.

Since November, I've been rearranging my closet alot....and each time I do it, it seems just as cluttered as the time before. As I've gotten older, I find that I tend to hit walls and I crave change.... but figuring out where exactly I need the change is another story all together. A very wise person once told me that in life, you come across alot of almosts... The relationship that is almost perfect, but not quite, the job that's almost exactly what you want, but something feels off, the apartment, the city, the lifestyle...that almost fit you, but not quite perfectly. Many people settle for the almosts because, ultimately, they are afraid that if they get rid of the "almost" they may never find the "just right". Only the truly gutsy make the move.

Over the winter I bought a new couch and painted my living room because rearranging my closet just wasn't cutting it for me. Today, I came to terms with the change I needed and resigned from my almost perfect job. This was, to date, the most important decision of my life. When I have left jobs in the past there has been no regret, and this is the first time that the parting has been bittersweet. I'm leaving the general; my mentor and teacher for what I hope will be a better fit. The conversation was had with shakey hands and a lump in my throat as we discussed my decision and his belief in my success and reasons for thinking I should stay. I have spent the past three years doing everything in my power not to disappoint him and my exit has been the worst disappointment of all. Our conversation ended as only a conversation with the general could end:

the general: are you sure about this decision?
me: i wouldn't have come to you if i wasn't
the general: please keep in touch... i want to know that you're happy
me: i will
the general: the door here is always open
me: ok
the general: now no more sappy stuff... get out of here.

This of course, was in sharp contrast with my entire conversation with Ahab.

Ahab: quite frankly i've been disappointed with your quality of work lately... i'm surprised at how little you know about wealth management.
Me: oh
Ahab: so i hope they teach you something at this new place
Me: me too....
Ahab: can you focus on what I need done while you're here?
Me: yes
Ahab: great... better get cracking...

So there you have it... I kept telling myself as I reorganized my shoes last night that if I stayed it would be emotional, if I left, it was business. The two conversations depicted my internal battle perfectly... emotional vs. business. It took everything in me not to tell Ahab that "they" were one of the most prestigous and well respected firms in NYC and that I had to take an IQ test and score well in an aptitude test before they would make an offer...so apparently I couldn't be too stupid... but alas...it just would have been words and breathe waisted... best to keep things amicable.

So I've made my gutsy move. I'm leaving my "almost" for something new. We'll see how it turns out... in the meantime, hopefully my shoes and my closet will get a little rest.

2007-07-23T10:31:00.001-07:00

My much anticipated wellies from J. Crew arrived at my office today. They don't fit over my damn calves because apparently wellies from J. Crew are only made for girls with chicken legs.... I'm so depressed....

2007-07-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

I've said this before and I will say it again... living in NYC is completely and utterly making me shed my morals and values. Not because I'm exposed to bad influences (which I am) but because of necessity. I never intended to have someone else do my laundry for me but alas here I am, because the laundry mat is 6 blocks from my house and don't have hours that really work with my schedule.... and I'm lazy....

I've always sworn that I would not move in with my significant other before I was married. Due to financial reasons (i.e. saving money) I've agreed to alter that to until we're engaged.... However, this morning I was on craigslist and I saw a 2 bedroom, 1 office, giant kitchen, living room, bathroom, etc....lots of closet space and sunlight (!!) apartment in my neighborhood which is right in my price range. Morals, values... completely out the window.... I emailed the link to both my roommate and my boyfriend and decided whoever the first taker was that would be the person I'd move in with!! ... Of course 30 seconds later I realized that they were both on business trips and were in different time zones and chances were at 8:30am EST...I would have zero takers. This was a major Debby Downer.... but probably for the best..... their respective business trips were the only thing keeping me from being a moraless apartment hunting tramp.

I've noticed that ever since the first crazy vet that I met with told me to specifically keep my dog away from pennies....pennies keep popping up all over my house. I was cleaning over the weekend and I found 15 pennies scattered through out the house.... 15.... not a small number... I'm starting to think someone is trying to assassinate my dog.

I am not the first of my friends to have to walk down the aisle.... the bridesmaid aisle that is.... but I am the first of my friends who is a bridesmaid to someone none of us really know. My brother is getting married. His fiance is a very sweet girl and when she asked me to be a bridesmaid I promptly replied ... "if you stick me in a tacky dress with a bow on my a$$ I'm not going to be anything...." Not because I think she has bad taste, she always dresses well... but sometimes I think brides crumble under the pressure of having to make so many decisions that some of them lose all sense of their senses and their friends and family suffer the consequences.... case and point.... when my sister was getting married she wanted to make my dress slightly different from the rest of the bridesmaid dresses since I was the maid of honor. Her way of doing this was creating a slit in my dress that went all the way up to my mid thigh..... (!!) .... fortunately her fiance turned out to be completely mental so the wedding was called off and I was saved from wearing that catastrophy of a dress. Of course my blatent objection to wearing a tacky dress for quite possibly the sweetest future sister in law ever, has resulted in my friends sending emails where they stick my head on various bedazzled dresses.....

Lastly, I realized this morning that when it rains here, I become a complete disaster.... I'm not sure why exactly, but without fail it happens. This morning I left the house in navy pants and a black top. I also stepped in a giant puddle on the way to my office so I was soaking went from like my knees down...I'm hoping that my recent purchase of wellies from J. Crew will help with the rain = basket case problem...cute shoes solve all problems.

The Latest Addition

2007-06-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

So I did it… I bought a puppy. This was extremely exciting news for me and was received positively by everyone except my father who actually compared me getting a pet to my brother getting his girlfriend knocked up. Which is funny, because I was constantly comparing it to the recent Crate and Barrel couch purchase I made over the winter. Except Charlie (the puppy) was more expensive than the couch and I have to feed him….he’s a fancy couch that I have to walk and feed three times a day….

My father believes that my purchasing a dog is actually me nurturing my maternal instincts…. I assured him that that’s not possible. I suffer from anxiety at the mere thought of not being able to have an alcoholic beverage of my choice for nine months straight…and quite frankly, there’s nothing maternal about that…

I had to take Charlie to the vet for the first time on Monday. I’m convinced that my vet is a complete lunatic and I am never going back there again. After asking me if I had any experience with animals (and me answering with a definitive yes…) he proceeded to talk to me as if I was mentally retarded:

Example 1:

Vet: now what do you feed your puppy?
Me: uh…puppy food…oh, do you mean what brand?
Vet: Do we give our puppy a filet or puppy food?
Me: A filet, haha…right Charlie!?
Vet: uhmm… no.
Me: oh, I know… I was just kidding…
Vet: no, seriously…would you give your child filet every day? Would you? I mean, that’s malnutrition isn’t it….
Me: uh… yeah…

Example 2:

Vet: now I can tell that you and your boyfriend are a real urban couple (please note: boyfriend not with me…boyfriend not even in TriState Area…)
Me: ??
Vet: yep, you’re an urban couple. And sometimes I bet you go out and you may be getting ready and not feeling well and you may pop some advil or another pain killer of choice so that you can have a good time.
Me: !?
Vet: And let’s say you drop a pill and you think to yourself..”oh, I’ve got my hair done and my heels on and I don’t want to bend over…I’ll just get it later”…. No, no, no… you can’t do that now because you need to puppy proof your house!
Me: (internally: you’ve got to be kidding me…) oh… uh huh….
Vet: And your puppy is …well…a puppy…. And puppies lose their teeth… do you remember when you lost your first tooth and there was blood??
Me: (internally: nope, don’t remember, because I’ve apparently been addicted to pain killers since the young age of 5, so I don’t remember anything past the age of 4.) ….. yes.
Vet: And do you remember there was blood??
Me: yes….
Vet: same with your puppy!!!
Me: (internally: jesus christ…) oh …okay!

Example 3:

Vet: now you should not let babies eat dog poop… do you know why?
Me: because it’s poop?....
Vet: No, because sometimes dogs get worms and the only way people can get worms is by eating the dogs poop.
Me: !?
Vet: And so it’s very important that you don’t let your baby eat dog poop.
Me: I…uh… I don’t have a baby.
Vet: Well, I’m not judging….I’m just saying….never let your baby eat dog poop because the baby may get worms from the poop.
Me: good to know… thanks…

Springtime

2007-05-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

It's spring time and spring makes me think of two main things: fresh starts and margaritas (!). And with these two main things comes a whole lot of random fresh starts and margarita thoughts and actions:

A random bee snuck into our bathroom the other day...and instead of letting that bee run me out of my house (which has happened with bugs in our house before), I locked the bee in the bathroom and we didn't go in the bathroom until he flew out the next day. Sara(h)s 1 , Bugs 0

Prince William split from his long time girlfriend...whatshername...which is great, because next to Tom Brady, my number one hubby, Prince William (of course) is my number two... I have to appease the craddle robber in me...

About a week ago, I went out for a beer with one of my best friends from college. We opted to go out in his hood because he bribed me by offering to pick me up and drive me home... i'm easy.... I almost schooled him in Ping Pong and Darts that night... but then i got drunk, smacked my head, and got the hic ups.... it was pretty much all down hill from there....

This Saturday is, drum roll please..... cinco de mayo!!!..... the day when people across the country are all Mexican! In honor of being mexican for 24 hours and the De La Hoya v. Mayweather fight (only watching it because Helen found the HBO special "compelling") Sarah, Helen and I are throwing a "Fight Club" or "How I Learned to Stop Being Sober and Love the Margarita" Party. Obviously, margaritas will be served and we'll all be dressed like Tijuana hookers to get people in the Mexican spirit.

Speaking of Helen, she was recently picked up by the cash cab, much to the envy of pretty much everyone I know... except Patty... she's kind of indifferent, but to her credit she did try to pretend to be excited for my benefit.....because, I almost peed my pants when I told her. Helen unfortunately, did not make it all the way to her destination and lost because ultimately she didn't know enough about Camels and the periodic table. But I'll say, I'm still damn proud of you Helen Green!

Lies and Free Cones

2007-04-17T13:24:00.000-07:00

This weekend Karl and I went upstate to visit his family. Due to the sensative nature of his mother's emotional constitution, we have to strategically plan out and lie through our teeth any time we want to hang out with his brother and sister-in-law with out the parents. This is very foreign to me, seeing as my parents (and god parents) flee the country for a month every year and desperately try to forget that they even have children. Not to mention the fact that I simply can not lie. I've got a shot if it's over the phone, but if it's face to face, I'm screwed... and I'm taking down all parties involved with me.

Why is the cafe car on Amtrak trains so small and why don't they have better seats and tables? It's a long trip, they should really turn the cafe car into a nice lounge. I plan to write a letter to Amtrak.

Ever notice that when the train happens to not be packed during rush hour people are much more likely to spread out and not make room for others to sit. Even if there are people standing and some that want to sit, typically the people already sitting take up twice the space necessary. .... Jerks.

I realized the other day that my hair is a perfect reflection of the kind of day I'm having. Regardless of how many times I brush it or try to pull it back, if I'm having a day where I'm completely burned out or flustered, my hair looks like I just spent 15 minutes in a wind tunnel.

Monday I had to travel for work for meetings to Philly and Baltimore. I was so flustered when I left my office at 7am that I grabbed a sharpie instead of a pen for my meetings. By the time we arrived in Philly and were half way through our meeting my stomach started growling which meant the hic ups were coming soon. So there I was, trying to look respectable, serious and knowledgable; taking notes with a sharpie, stomach growling and hic uping.... and that's the kind of stuff you need to be made of to get a deal closed and a contract signed in my profession.

The DOM has been out of the office because he allegedly contracted a parasite during his visit to Africa. I know I should feel bad....but I don't... he probably caught it while looking at African porn.

Tuesday was free cone day at Ben and Jerry's...every year since I was 19 Elissa and I (and other various friends) have participated in free cone day and made it an annual ritual. This year however, due to extenuating circumstances I could not participate in free cone day. Much to my dismay, this threw Elissa into a terrible fit of depression where she cursed "all of Knightsbridge" and P-did's. Ultimately, Elissa has decided to give up on free cone day all together and has vowed never to have ice cream again. Well poo on you Eeyore, I'll be participating in free cone day next year with or without you!!

And these are the days of our lives....

2007-04-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was craving sweets. The DOM was going downstairs to get a soda and when asked if I would like anything while he was out, a quick "large chocolate chip cookie and tea" was my response. However my sugar and chocolate dreams were dashed when he returned with an oatmeal raisin cookie. Oatmeal raisin!... I love oatmeal, I eat grapes, I drink wine...but I hate, hate (!), raisins...and oatmeal raisin does not equal chocolate chip. Normally I would snub the raisin cookie but I was so desperate for sugar that I sat at my desk and tried to eat around all of the raisins. When that wasn't progressing quickly enough for me, I actually moved away from my desk and sat next to the garbage can in my office, picking out the raisins and attempted to eat the remainder of the raisin infested cookie.... when asked later by Patty what I was doing, I told her "I'm working on getting a raise".

Speaking of raises... I haven't received one in almost two years. Apparently hard work and virtually being a slave to ones job do not necessarily earn someone a raise in my company (which explains why I have decided to take the opposite approach). I, of course, blame Patty. She has worked for the General for 7 years and has never asked for anything.... thus setting a ridiculously high standard of non-complaint for the rest of us poor suckers that follow behind her. In any other company, Patty would easily be making double her current salary, even so, Saint Patty will not utter a peep...that is until recently...armed with the facts she inquired after our annual raises to The General who promptly sent an email to Ahab regarding the urgent matter, who promptly went home sick after reading the email to avoid having to discuss the issue further.... hahahaha... you've gotta love when a boss appreciates the hard work of his subordinates....

My mother once told me, "making fun of someones level of intelligence and calling them retarded, will not make you smarter".... okay, okay... I always technically got the gravity of what she was trying to tell me but I still definitely love the word retarded....I love retards...always have, always will. But I definitely applied the rule to other matters in life. -- I have a friend who, from the first time I met him, had a quirky sense of humor that just cracked me up. I immediately adored him and respected his creativity and witty commentary on the world around him. Lately however, the wit has changed... there is something negative to say about everyone and everything around him, nothing is good enough, nothing is funny enough.... That's the funny thing about miserable... finding fault in everyone around you won't make you happier with yourself.

This morning on the train I was sitting next to this tiny Asian woman, praying on her rosary beads. When she finished, she belched twice and fell asleep.

Today I have big plans to do my own laundry for the first time in about a year and a half. When I first moved down to the city, I vowed never to become a true New Yorker, I would cling to my upstate values like they were my life line. Needless to say, that didn't work out and I have caved on virtually every front... I pay someone to do virtually everything in my life. Except clean my house...and I think that that's an option under serious consideration at this time. I have now also officially ditched my morals out of convenience. I vowed never to go back to the dry cleaners down the block from my apartment after they ruined a designer dress that I bought before I ever got the chance to wear it and refused to reimburse me for it. But told me that I should try returning it to the store. I have a lot of dry cleaning that needs to be done and I have no idea where else to take my clothes that is close to my apartment. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will cave today and drop my clothes off at the shady cleaners.....jerks.

Recently, Jessica started working in my office. The DOM not only insists on calling her Jennifer, but unfortunately has opted to not spare her from the nasty inappropriate remarks that so frequently fly out of his mouth. Jessica is an aspiring actress with an audition tomorrow... next thing I know I hear the DOM from my office predicting that "Jennifer's" audition will be more of a dancing strip tease than a respectable audition.... total law suit waiting to happen.

Be Kind, Rewind...

2007-04-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, I watched the most recent episode of Grey's Anatomy. I had actually watched it at Karl's when it aired... but I wanted to watch it free of Karl's G.A. play by play commentary with a prompt thumbs down and "ppplllbbb" sound at the end of the show... There was a part where Christina says " why can't life have a rewind button, you know... be kind, rewind..." and I found myself talking back to the TV..."that's right....rewind!"

Last Saturday I went out to a birthday dinner with and for one of my boyfriends coworkers. Somehow the conversation turned, against my wishes, to my opinion on different shows... I intended to say, "oh, I'm not a good judge...I like everything." How it came out?

"Oh, I'm not a good judge, I mean, Karl hated the preview of Mary Poppins and I loved it." (table full of people who worked on MP)
"I mean, he didn't hate it, hate it... he just was more critical than I would be. He thought some of the cues were way off" (as I'm sitting across from the guy who got fired for bad cues...)
"I mean... we both really liked it"

..... Rewind (!)....

Vanity Fair is publishing The General's dirty laundry in this months issue. When asked yesterday if it was "bad"... all I could do to reply was say..."well, they compare you and Peter...closely."

....Rewind, don't talk to press...

Since I broke my foot I have only been able to get back to the gym this past week. Feeling slightly over zealous about getting back into shape yesterday, I changed the setting on my bike from "cardio" to "mountain".... I breezed through it while flipping between Law and Order and Jeopordy...and not feeling any pain due to the fact that I was getting a high off of knowing almost every answer during the double Jeopordy round. This morning I went to stand up when getting out of bed and I literally fell over... legs like jello...

.....Rewind.... ease up on the bike...

Last night I had a slight nervous breakdown regarding my job, my boss and my career... I called Karl approximately 17 times in 28 minutes... each time having a 2 minute convo re: not exactly sure...(?)... followed by a quick "i have to go...bye".... and repeated. Then I took a shower to "calm down" which only made me finally breakdown.... which then led to hysterical crying on the phone.....

.........Rewind... ease up on coffee intake, take away all forms of communication, stay longer at the gym, probably should be shot with tranquilizer dart...

Received this email from a friend today:

I haven't had anything to drink all day. Ran to Jeff's office to steal my scissors back to cut open a packet of Crystal Light lemonade. I couldn't rip it because it was wet after I dropped it in the water by accident. I needed to cut it open because the powder had gotten wet and was no longer powder. All of a sudden I turn around and there are 3 really cute guys standing there. There are here for a meeting with Noah. As I was walking them to the conference room, I walked into a wall....

...... Rewind... look straight ahead when walking...

Google Told Me So

2007-03-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

Last week by boyfriend and I flew out to Ohio to visit my brother and spend some time with the family. Any time lately that my father and boyfriend get together they bond over picking on me and all of the crazy things that I believe in. Mostly, because to them, my beliefs are utterly nonsensical:

I don't necessarily believe in god but I do believe that you truly can jinx things....so I always knock on wood.

I believe that if I tell someone about something that I really want to have happen, it won't happen...simply because I told them.

I believe that it's bad luck to think about plane crashes while you're flying.

I believe that if I think about someone hard enough they will know I'm thinking about them...

I believe that brownies, cookies and beer do not have any calories when I'm stressed or PMSing.

I believe that my mom has always had eyes in the back of her head and is virtually psychic.

And I absolutely, 100% believe that my google horoscope is directly connected to my brain. It's the only way to explain how 95% of the time, my horoscope is right on the money. Not that I believe in horoscopes or anything...

The Gods Must Be Crazy

2007-03-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

In Ms. Geraci's 9th Grade Social Studies class we watched the movie "The Gods Must Be Crazy". My bff, Sarah Kel and I sat through the entire movie believing, that it was, in fact, a true documentary. At the end of the movie, we had to get into our assigned study groups (two ditzes in a study group not permitted) and discuss the movie...My study group included, Bill McMahan, my boyfriend extraordinare at the time, and Mark Lion and Adam Krauser...our class brainiac's who are off somewhere today, super good looking and super successful....oh, and myself. At one point I actually turned to my group of intellectuals and said:

"Wait, so if the Bushmen are real, and they have never had any contact with someone from the outside world, how do the translators know what they're saying and what do they think of all of the camera men??"

Silence...

Sarah and I reconvened at the end of class and she too had let the cat out of the bag. We were officially labeled ditzes for the remainder of our High School careers.

Today, I made a similar blunder. I sent an article (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17704847/site/newsweek/ ) to several of my friends with the belief that while the author was obviously being sarcastic, the quotes were definitely true. And I discussed this belief in detail with Elissa (another sucker) until I received the email below from one of our far more witty and practical friends:

Sara,
This was great - Thanks for thinking of me! I was sure this was a true story until I saw the reference to "satire" up on top :) 300 captured the real side of our beloved Persians!
Hope all is well,
Etti

Damn it!

BIG....HUGE

2007-03-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

This week is a very exciting week for me:

The University at Albany Great Danes (be very intimidated...) are the 13th seed and will be playing Virgina on Friday. At 12:45pm on Friday, I will be sporting my latest UA sweatshirt (over my suit) at the pub down the block from my office with Elissa. It's a big game for Albany ....and seeing as it is playing in the middle of the day on a weekday...it is obviously an important game for the rest of the country as well...

Yesterday we painted our living room....herbal mist...and it's glorious. We demolished the old couch and chair and painted....all in preparation for another big event this week....

The arrival of our new couch! We ordered from the Grace Collection at Crate and Barrel (in case you were wondering...) and it is beautiful...and will look glorious in our living room...especially with the herbal mist wall.

Tomorrow I'm attending my first professional hockey game. Originally I found this to be intimidating but one of my friends told me that I get to drink beer and yell at the players...much like I do at football games...so I should be okay. ....Provided I'm not the poor soul who gets hit in the face with a puck... because we all know my luck.

Speaking of luck!.....Saturday is the big day that all of America looks forward to...and the day when every American is....IRISH! It just so happens that it is also Payal's birthday... so, in honor of these momentous occassions not only occurring on the same day...but on a Saturday (!)... we have decided to start our day bright and early and do a pub crawl for as long as we can make it. Somehow....I'm not sure how exactly (probably because I was drunk when it happened)... I promised Payal that I would wear an Irish Cheerleading outfit on this day as well...if she could find it. So if anyone sees a crazy drunken cheerleader aimlessly wandering the streets on Saturday feel free to say hi!!

Vista Shmista

2007-03-08T08:27:00.000-08:00

So Microsoft has come out with it's new and improved version of Windows XP. When I moved into my new office, I received my new laptop and with it the new (and exciting!) Vista!...

Let me tell you something about Vista... it kind of reminds me of the first pair of designer boots my roommate bought. Sure it looks great....and the packaging is fabulous...but the second you try to do any real walking in the suckers...the heal breaks....and what do they tell you when you take them back to the store?..."well they're not meant to really be walked in... you're supposed to go from your home to the cab and from the cab to the bar...no real walking..." wtf!?!?... where was that on the tag when I bought them!?

Vista works in a similar manner... as long as I just check my email or hop online every once in a while it's fine... the second I start really working and opening up documents the damn program freezes my entire system.... try to be productive with that happening... and the worst part about it is ...Microsoft is one of our clients (!)... and when I told them that my new system was being set up with Vista...what did they say?..."huh...(snort)...good luck...it kindof sucks...it crashes my computer all of the time"... great... f'n fabulous. Now everytime I see a Vista advertisement on the street, I want to rip off my shoes and throw it at the sign... take that Vista!!

All Grown Up

2007-03-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

I recently went to Baltimore to visit my best friend from college on her birthday weekend. While sucking down beers at her b-day party and mingling with friends I had an epiphany……we are grown ups. For real! I looked around the room packed with Lawyers… those of us who were not part of the JD crowd were all professionals with a couple of exceptions… the birthday girl’s little bro and P-dids (the cradle robber)’s boyfriend… he’s in the middle of going for his Masters. Anyways…we all had jobs…real jobs… and people were talking about being engaged…planning weddings… 9 -5 crap…and I caught myself talking about my dream couch…couch!! When did this happen? When did we grow up and why didn’t I get much of a say in it!?.....
The entire realization makes me reflect on how, when I was little, I dreamt about how my life was going to be…. When you’re 8, 27 is definitely old, so I figured that I would totally have a career, two kids and a dog…the big house and a super handsome hubby….. my “adult” life in reality?.....

On January 6th I tripped over my laundry cart (a.k.a. Big Bertha) and fractured two bones in my foot. I then proceeded to attend my own birthday party, get appropriately pissed, and went to the gym the next day. It took me two weeks to realize that maybe I had injured my foot…never guessed (even when the doctor was showing me the X-rays) that it was broken.

For Valentines day, Karl and I went out to a nice dinner and I bought him a v-day card… which I then left in my desk drawer until about a week ago…. V. romantic.

I went out for two beers with p-dids after work one day… we were so exhausted from work that we got drunk off of the two beers…then I convinced her that she needed to take $20 dollars from me…even though she was heading to the ATM…my money was apparently better. Then I got in the cab and promptly passed out.

While visiting my family upstate (and consuming more alcohol than most people find natural) I convinced my boyfriend that after my parents went to sleep we should “do the deed”… after my parents went to bed…I passed the f--- out on the family room couch…Karl had to carry me to bed.

The other day I ate almost an entire bag of Reeses peanut butter cups at my desk at work… when I stood up, there was chocolate all over my pants and my chair….

Last night, my roommate and I had a girls’ night. She cooked dinner and I drank wine. After we finished one bottle of wine I sat down on the couch with a full glass of wine in my hands…then I passed out holding the glass of wine (still full). I woke up to feeling something splash all over me… it was the wine…all down the front of me…fortunately, none of it landed on the couch that we are throwing out on Sunday…just on me. I went into the bathroom and asked Sarah what I should do…
Sarah (laughing): oh my god…
Me: I spilled wine….what should I do?
Sarah: well, I would start by taking your shirt off…
Me: okay…
Then I went into my room…took my shirt off and grabbed my Treo so that I could call Karl and passed out on my bed…Treo in hand.

Yep, I’m an adult…

Thank you MLK JR!!

2007-01-16T15:28:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Martin Luther King Jr. I had a very exciting and productive weekend…..

Elissa bought me an Aaron Karo (our favorite comedian) DVD for my birthday. Of course, she opened it and watched it long before I saw it…and it is still at her house. Classic Elissa.

My roommate Sarah and I went to the Container Store on Saturday and discovered the best invention ever (!)… They have these devices that scan bar codes so you just walk around the store scanning what you want to purchase and then they deliver it to your house later that day. I love you Container Store!!

While Sarah and I were waiting for said delivery (estimated delivery time between 8pm and 1am) we decided that the best thing to do was drink beer and “reorganize” our apartment in preparation for the delivery of all things that would reorganize our life. In typical Sarah and Sara fashion, this resulted in us getting drunk, listening to cd’s from our teen years and passing out on the couch while watching The Importance of Being Ernest.

Elissa, Payal and I had a “girls night” the other night. We started drinking wine and gossiping about the various things that have been going on since Payal left for Africa….Three bottles of wine and some mixed drinks later, we had discovered karaoke on demand and decided to drunk dial various friends and sing to them. (right… this goes back to previous notes to self: please take all forms of communication from me after two drinks.)

In the afore mentioned drunken stupor I decided that I wanted a dog and to call Karl to see if he would:
a) let me have one
b) let it live with him (since we have a bird at my house)
c) let me hire a dog-sitter to watch it during the day….
After some convincing he agreed to everything. I woke up the next morning…rolled over, looked at Payal, remembering that I had passed out mid-sentence at her house the night before and then remembered through my pounding headache that I had requested a dog and Karl had caved in… this morning the dog situation was a hot topic:

From: Elissa
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 3:48 PM
To: Rick
Cc: Sara; Sarah
Subject: Re: Goils.

Uncle Rick is actually being way too negative about the whole dog situation

On 1/16/07, Sara wrote:
I know!

On 1/16/07, Rick wrote:
i know, too!! OMG!I’m gonna try to be more supportive. I just hope everyone knows what they're getting themselves into. poop. picking up poopoo.

On 1/16/07, Sarah wrote:

Sarah's two cents:

Based on observations made this weekend of Sara's dealings with a chair and a remote control I do not recommend that she be given any living thing to care for at present.

Regardless of the size of its poop.

From: Rick
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 3:59 PM
To: Sarah
Cc: Sara; Elissa
Subject: Re: Goils.

jesus christ!
fo realz? i was gong nutz here trying to figure out the best way to tell you how bad an idea this was.

sigh.

women will be the death of me. I feel my blood pressure rising.

From: Patricia
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 4:03 PM
To: Sara
Subject: RE: Goils.

What happened with the chair and remote control?

From: Sara
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 4:06 PM
To: Patricia
Subject: RE: Goils.

I dropped and broke both… in such a way that we had to throw them both out….

From: Patricia
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 4:12 PM
To: Sara
Subject: RE: Goils.

Hhhmmm, in that case maybe you should get a stuffed animal!

Needless to say, I will not be getting a dog….

The jig is up

2007-01-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

I openly admit that I have not been in a library for research purposes since April of 2002. That being said, I have never been one to be intimidated by research or libraries... I actually thoroughly enjoy both. So, when my boss requested that I go to the library on 42nd and 5th to do some research in preparation for a London meeting I was more than happy to do so....

Me (internal dialogue): crap...i haven't been here in three years...do i even remember where the library is located once i walk through the door? Why does this look like the MET? This is definitely not the MET. I am losing my mind.... Is it on the third floor? No, second, it was definitely on the second floor...
Me (to security guard): Which floor is the library on?
Security guard: 3rd floor
Me (crap): thanks

Me (internal dialogue): jesus... they didn't have the computers like this last time... wtf is Leo? Maybe I should go back to school. Does everyone here know that I'm totally confused? Probably... I probably have toilet paper stuck to my boots too.... this computer isn't working... i'll try a different one.... hmmm....this one has a nice screen saver..... ugh, this doesn't have nexis lexis either.... f this, i'm going to ask someone for help.
Me (to help desk person): do you have nexis lexis here?
HDP: no, you have to go downtown to the business library.
Me: downtown?
HDP: downtown
Me (looking very put out and confused): oh...
HDP (pulling out a peice of paper): here... it's at 188 madison avenue...near 34th street
Me: that's close!
HDP: yes
Me: thanks

Me (internal dialogue): ok, i'll just call Patty and let her know that i have to go downtown... no, that's stupid it's only 6 blocks from the office...calm down sara.... wow, i hope i don't fall down these stairs...that would really suck...oh crap, it's raining.... i'll just go to duane reade to buy an umbrella....who organized this store? probably the same guy who set up the wegmans parking lot in webster....i wonder if this is some fucked up IQ test.."let's see how long it takes this idiot to find the umbrella's"...ah, there they are, right next to the condoms. Well that makes sense...okay, off to the Sibley library....ah ha...right to the help desk

Me (to help desk person): Do you have Nexis Lexis here?
HDP: hmmm...I think so... probably downstairs.
Me: thanks!

Me (internal dialogue): great, now how the hell do I get downstairs... ah, stairs.....okay, computers... LEO?!... wtf?!....help desk, help desk, help desk....

Me (to help desk person): Do you have Nexis Lexis here?
HDP: ??
Me: Nexis Lexis...it's just a business search engine.
HDP: ummmmm
Me: !?
HDP: ummm... I'm not sure....
Me: you're not sure? but you're the help desk.
HDP: yeah, i just started.... so I'm not sure.
Me (internally): no, you're not sure because you are 12 years old! where's the old lady with glasses that knows every answer to every question that ever existed! This is the NY city library for christ sake, not some High School Library.... ugh! .... calm down sara, take a deep breath...don't be a crazy person.
Me (externally): okay...thanks

Me (internally): okay, i'm just going to sit here at this computer and figure it out myself.... search engine not working?...wtf....okay, i'll try this one... not available?.... back to help desk

Me (to help desk kid again): are you sure about the whole Nexis Lexis thing? Is there anyone you can ask? I think there might be something wrong with the computers...
HDK: yeah, well, you may not be able to find anything anyways because all of our search engines are down.
Me (internally): of course they are you stupid peice of -------....calm down....
Me (externally): oh, i see... why didn't you tell me that the first time I came up here?
HDK: i wasn't sure what exactly you were looking for.
Me: ??...ok, well, thank you for your time.

Me (internally): ...great...that was a complete waste of time.... at least i bought an umbrella...wait, how do I get out of here.... crap, it's another f'd up IQ test....wait, i got down here so I have to be able to get up.... this is why i need to pay attention to what i do.... is this the exit??..... whoa!, no, that's the men's bathroom!
Me (externally): sorry... i...uh... just... uh...sorry
Me (internally): crap, i can't believe that I thought the men's bathroom was an exit!.... how do i get out of here?... should i ask the kid at the help desk.... maybe i should just take these stairs...they are the only stairs that aren't blocked off... ah, i see street... good.... phew.... ok, not going back there again any time soon....

Back at office....
Patty: how'd it go?
Me: I'll tell you later....

At least now that I'm an adult, I can finally hold my liquor.

2006-12-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

I have three favorite "girls night/day" rituals:

Event:
-getting cheap but good margaritas
Result:
- drunk dialing of the boyfriend with prompt passing out on couch as soon as I reach his apartment.

Event:
- Sunday brunch with Helen and Sarah
Result:
-mimosa's back at the apartment and a day long gossip fest.... ultimately resulting in the standing up of said boyfriend due to large amounts of alcohol consumption

Event:
- getting drunk in the apartment with my roommate on a school night
Result:
- please see email exchange below

From: SK
Sent: Wednesday, December 13, 2006 10:03 AM
To: Sara
Subject:

Note to self: 3 beers on a Tuesday will give you a hangover on Wednesday.

From: Sara
Sent: 12/13/06, 10:10AM
To: SK

Oh no!

From: SK
Sent: Wednesday, December 13, 2006 10:13 AM
To: Sara
Subject: Re:

I know. I was wide awake at like 5am with a beer headache. I was like, grand. So of course since I didn't sleep I couldn't wake up once I actually fell asleep. And now I have a hangover. And I was 25min. late to work. I am a responsible adult.

Moday

2006-12-04T07:40:00.000-08:00

So it would appear that Florida will be playing Ohio State at the National Championship game this January in Arizona. I have a couple of obvious problems with this.... has anyone seen Florida play this year? I understand that they are their conference champs (scaring thought after watching them attempt to play football against an even worse Florida State team last week). Being the conference champ should definitely give you some bowl game perks. Afterall, as a wolverine fan, I love nothing better than watching a Big Ten team kick the a$$ of an over rated, over talked, over estamated SEC or other conference team. Not to talk poorly of other conferences, some years, they have great teams... just not this year. This year, most conferences should feel slightly concerned about who their conference champs are. To be perfectly honest, even though I am a huge Michigan fan, believe it or not, I was not particularly interested in watching Michigan play Ohio State again. I think the first game was a toss up, I think the championship would be the same...and while I would have liked to see Michigan beat Ohio State, I would have loved to see OS beat the crap out of over rated USC and watch Michigan beat Florida.... you know, just for $hits and giggles. Unfortunately, that won't happen and unless Florida does a miraculous turn around before January (which, hey, we've seen happen with other teams in the past.... kind of....) the OS vs. Florida game won't even be much of a game. Which is a shame, I always like a good competition for a bowl game.

Patty and I met a few of her friends out for drinks on Friday night for happy hour. We went to the Rose, a laid back bar in Gramercy with cute interior design, pretty laid back crowd and manhattan priced drinks. We arrived by 7:30pm, by 9:30pm I went out to call my boyfriend back... I walked through the giant red velvet curtains, past the glass doors and found myself in the midst of a long line, paparazzi, security guards and Kate Moss. I looked behind myself back into the bar to make sure that this was indeed the nobody bar I had easily walked into just two hours before. It was. .... The security guard turned very nicely to me (dressed in my work clothes while everyone else in line was dressed to party) and asked me if I wanted to step out for a second. I stepped out, made my call and then the SG made sure that the crowd parted for me so that I could get back in again. Everyone sat there staring at me, like who the hell is she? Next thing I know I'm sitting back down at the bar and this guy sitting next to me starts talking to me:

GSNTM: um, hi... i know this seems kind of weird, but do you know how to get people in here?
Me (very confused): Get people in here?
GSNTM: yeah, I have a friend outside that can't get in. I saw you outside....Can you get them in?
Me: Quite frankly, I'm not sure how I got myself in.
GSNTM: haha... very funny.
Me: I've never been here before... I'm just here to drink the beer.
GSNTM (confused): to drink the beer?
Me: well, I was going to drink the gin, but I opted for beer.
GSNTM: so you can't get my friend in?
Me: no... sorry...
GSNTM: really?
Me: really
GSNTM: are you just being difficult?
Me: nope... i'm kind of confused right now, but definitely not being difficult.

One of the things I hate most about living in a big city is how easily my shoes get ruined. I almost died on three occassions on Saturday night due to the heal of my shoe getting stuck in a crack and today some stranger had to rescue me on my way into work when my heal got stuck in a pot-hole while crossing the street infront of oncoming traffic. It was almost like the scene in the Wedding Planner when Matthew McConaughey saves Jennifer Lopez from the rolling dumpster...except the guy that saved me was in Real Estate, not peds and I almost got ran over by a bus and some crazy lady pushing a stroller, not a dumpster. And my conversation that followed went something like this:

Hero: you work in my building
Me: yeah?
Hero: yeah, but you use the other elevator bank
Me (looking confused and assuming he's a stalker): hmm?
Hero: I see you all of the time... you fall alot.
Me (crap): I don't "fall"
Hero: you stumble
Me: I have wobbley ankles
Hero: you should wear sneakers to work
Me: Well, I normally do but my flats are in my desk...
Hero: ??
Me: It's just where they are today... every other day they are on my feet.
Hero: yeah?
Me (walking into our building, slipping again): woooo!
Hero (catching me again): you need constant supervision
Building Security Guard: you have no idea

There was no heat in our office building for half of the day. Patty and I literally almost froze to death. Finally the heat came on.... now that the heats on, somehow the AC has turned on as well.

Days that I question my job...

2006-11-28T12:42:00.000-08:00

Most days I live under the belief that I am a hard working, intelligent, ambitious individual. Like everyone, once in a while I have a day or two when I question whether or not I should stay at my current company....

- Days when I wake up cranky and think that I should quit my job and move to another state somewhere in the midwest so that I can be far away from annoying New Yorkers.

- Days when Ahab treats me like I'm a child and asks me to add 52 names, addresses and general info to his outlook like I have nothing better to do with my day. (Please see bio on website.... my bio )

- Days when the D.O.M. won't shut up and keeps shouting stupid stories to me from his office.

- Days when the D.O.M. comes by my desk and drops an envelope and piece of paper on my desk and asks me to mail it.

- Days when I get phone calls from recruiters and other firms asking for interviews and offering to triple my salary.

- Lastly, days like today when I walk into the D.O.M.'s office to hand him something work related and he has an enormous picture of a naked woman on his computer... UGH!

Name Calling

2006-11-22T09:23:00.000-08:00

Well kids, it would appear that good 'ol OJ's feeling are hurt. People are calling him names and it's Ron Goldman's family's fault. The old all star football player/ actor was writing his book to pay his bills and feed his children. It was not, I repeat, not a confession.... only a theory that would help him "pay his bills"... his $3.5 million worth of bills...
OJ apparently went on a radio station in Miami and said, and I quote: "Would everybody stop being so naive? Of course I got paid," Simpson said with a laugh. "I spend the money on my bills. It's gone." When asked point-blank if he killed the pair: "Absolutely not, and I maintained my innocence from day one," he replied, adding a little later: "No matter what everybody wants to say, I didn't do it." Simpson also said he told the writer, "I have nothing to confess."
Of course you have nothing to confess OJ....

perfectly unperfect....

2006-11-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

Just a couple of tid bits I noticed about myself, while home sick and doped up on Tylenol cold and sinus:

I am a Law and Order crack addict. And not just regular Law and Order…SVU and CI also. I was home sick for two days this week with the flu and I watched more Law and Order than I thought humanly possible. My addiction also spread to all of the CSI’s as well. I don’t remember much of the episodes because I was in and out of consciousness and delirium….but there were a lot of them.

On Tuesday, I thought I’d have a productive work day while I was home sick (again, delirium). I read several wealth management articles that I do not remember a single detail of and then I went to Target to drop off/pick up my prescriptions. I was sent off to wander the store for 20 minutes while they filled my prescriptions. Quite frankly, someone else should be sent on these errands…any time I am in Target (sick or otherwise) I go on a complete impulse buy extravaganza. This time, I bought Troy…. Yes, Troy.. (I love you Eric Bana!) Ahem.

While watching Troy, I tried to catch up on my personal emails. My mom sent me a madlibs version of a letter to Santa, which I obviously did and pasted below.

Santa ClausNorth Pole, Earth
Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at karl's Office party. It was payal who spiked the punch with too much gin. I can't help it if I drank 6 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like crap.
I thought it was funny when I put elissa's shirt on my head and danced the mamba on the couch while singing `take my breath away'. I didn't mean to break karl's laptop and don't know why karl would accuse me of theft.
I don't remember calling russ's wife a smelly pig---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and green lipstick!
And when I threw up on kim's husband's arm, it was only because I ate too much of that pizza.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my unicycle through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a rusty cat and have me arrested for fraud!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all active and smart. And I'm really not to blame for any of this antsy stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and quickly yours,sara (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 7 bucks!

Alas, I’m not a perfect girl. My hair doesn’t always stay in place and I spill things…. a lot. Sometimes I say the wrong things at the absolute wrong time. I’m pretty clumsy and I’m constantly tripping over myself. I can’t lie or conceal anything and sometimes when I have a broken heart, I literally wear it on my sleeve. Once in a while my friends and I bicker and some days nothing goes right. But when I think about it and take a step back I realize that maybe, just maybe, I like being unperfect.

Ah, the great IF word.

2006-11-15T10:26:00.000-08:00

OJ Simpson is apparently hurting financially. In an effort to supplement his income he has decided to write a book and give a TV interview on if he did kill his ex-wife and her friend, how he would have done it. But it's just a hypothetical.... he's just saying if. Your honor, please let the record show, the man only said if.
In my humble opinion, this is when the laws of Double jeopardy really vex me. While they may have worked to Ashley Judd's benefit in the aptly titled 'Double jeopardy', the good hearted citizens of California who were ready and willing to riot on OJ's behalf back in 1995 had he been found guilty are about to be greatly disappointed.
On the ever Republican and ahem...conservative Fox network, OJ will not only admit to killing poor Nicole and Ron but will tell anyone who cares to watch how exactly he did it.... I mean, that is...if he had done it.
And to think, people were accusing Fox of not turning out quality journalism.... for shame.

Yes Madam, I am drunk

2006-10-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those moments where you say or do something and people look around, and quite possibly even mouth, “Is she drunk??” This, for me, is the norm… except when I’m around British people… then they mouth, “Is she pissed??” I’m usually not. It’s just my natural state. I am meeting my boyfriend’s family in two days and I have begged him to mentally prepare them for meeting me by explaining to them before hand that I am, most definitely, socially retarded. He refuses. Not only does he refuse to tell them, but he insists on living under the delusion that I am, in fact, not socially retarded. While most would see this as endearing, I find it to be extremely alarming. I mean, have we met?? Has he not heard and been witness to many socially retarded acts on my part?? Let me give some recent examples:

I recently was away on a business trip in Chicago. On said business trips, our clients usually have no concept of time, especially when there is a time change involved. On my first night in Chicago I got a phone call from my boyfriend at around midnight, somehow in the time that I had woken up, looked at my caller ID, walked into the other room and answered my phone, I had missed the call from Karl and one of my clients had called.

Me: Hi Baby.
Client: Sara??
Me (half asleep and very confused): Oh my god, ----! I thought you were my boyfriend… he has the same number….
Client: He has the same number? That’s not possible.
Me: I…uh… I don’t know… why are you calling?
Client: I don’t even remember anymore…

I also have a horrible tendency to use the phrase “I’m easy” all of the time when people ask me to make decisions. The other day I was ordering a sandwich….

Me: turkey, provolone, and mustard on a roll
Sandwich guy: we’re out of provolone
Me: ok, swiss
SG: we’re out of swiss
Me: ok, give me whatever you have, I’m easy.
Guy standing next to me: ha, you’re easy?
Me (oblivious): yes
GSNTM: You seem like a nice girl, so you really should stop telling people that.
Me (20 minutes later, back at my desk, rethinking conversation): ugh, I didn’t mean that kind of easy….jerk.

Do you ever panic in elevators when someone is running to catch the elevator and you want to hold it for them? I always do. All of the sudden I can’t remember which side the “door open” button is on. Today, Patty’s shoe got caught in the doorway to the elevator while she was getting on. We both had flashes of the article we had read yesterday about the poor Ohio State student that was tragically killed when an elevator crushed him. I wanted to hit the “door open” button but I freaked out because I didn’t want to close the doors on her either… so we both just sat there and screamed until her shoe came out of the nook. Thank god no one was around to see/hear us.

Lastly, speaking of Patty and I and the stupid things we do….

The other day I was going through the filing cabinet at work when an enormous cucarocha ran across my hand. Remembering where I was and that Ahab was on the phone and the General doesn’t like girlie girl screams I pulled myself together and casually walked over to Patty’s desk.

Me: Patty, I’m sorry, I know you are very busy but there is an enormous cucarocha in the file cabinet and it just tried to eat me.
Patty: oh no…. ugh, so I guess you want me to help you.
Me: yes
Patty (walking over to file cabinet): you should probably get a big shoe out of your desk to kill it with.
Me (grabbing shoe and standing at the ready): ok, but I don’t think I have a shoe big enough… ok, wait… before we start we need to make a pact… if someone passes out the other picks them up off of the floor and doesn’t just leave them there with the cucarocha.
Patty: ok
Me: good, because it’s huge and I think I’m going to faint.
Patty (while searching through cabinet): please don’t sara

Two minutes later:
Patty: sara, it’s not in here… are you sure you weren’t imagining things?
Me: no, keep looking, it’s definitely in there, it almost ate me
Patty: now you’re exaggerating… I don’t think it’s in here…Ah!...
Me: EEK!

After the second siting we ran into the Generals office and there we stood, me with my shoe at the ready and patty trying to stand patiently in front of the General’s desk. There the General sat, reading glasses on, very serious and stern look on his face….

Patty: I hate to bother you…but there is an enormous cucarocha in the filing cabinet and you have to go out there and kill it.
The General (looking at me, then at the shoe in my hand, then back at me again): Is this a joke?
Patty: No… it’s huge.
Me (giggling nervously): it almost ate me
The General: ok, it’s a joke…look at Sara, she can’t even stop laughing
Patty: don’t pay attention to Sara
The General: Ok, let me look….

The General came to our rescue and killed the enormous cucarocha. It was a fierce battle, but he won. I attribute it to his years in the military.

After telling this story to a couple of my friends, they all tell me that cucarocha’s live in groups…there’s never just one… personally, this one was so big that I think he actually ate all of the others, but I’ll be sure to keep everyone posted.

I <3 NY

2006-10-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

My life in NYC is broken into 3 kinds of days....

The "I love NY" days
The "I hate NY" days
and the "I am destined to be a mess wherever I live so thank god I have people in my life who keep track of me" days

Before I left for Chicago, I was definitely having a I love NY day....
--I left the house at 8am... ok running a little late... the 4 train wasn't running... but it was ok because i just took the 2.
--I run to the office wave at the security guy on my way in... "Hi Sara, have a nice day", he says, while holding the elevator for me.
--I go upstairs, no bosses in site, great, no one knows I'm late...
-- After Patty comes in I run to the dry cleaners two blocks away to drop off my suit...don't have to wait, they know i'm in a hurry... "Sara, your dry cleaning will be ready by 5pm"...
--Run into my building... the guy at Food Merchants has seen me come in, pops my bagel into the toaster and tells Anna to grab my coffee... I barely miss a beat as I give her exact change, pick up my coffee and grab my bagel and catch my elevator up to my office.
--Mid day I take a break to run to get my nails done... I walk in, all of the ladies say "hiii!!!"... they haven't seen me since before my surgery... I tell them I'm leaving for a business trip to Chicago tomorrow morning... I don't even need to say anything else... they already know what color nail polish I wear.... we laugh and talk about my surgery and my trip...
--I walk back to the office, sun shining, all my favorite songs playing on my ipod, while on shuffle...the perfect mix for walking back to the office...I smile. Because I'm smiling the man on the street selling flowers gives me a sunflower... I smile some more.
--I run out of the office at 6pm, run to the dry cleaners, they have everything waiting... I run out, as soon as I get to the platform my train comes into the station, I get on and get a seat.
--I'm in Brooklyn in 20 minutes, I run to my dry cleaners by my apartment and I am greeted by Tessa who says..."I stayed waiting just for you, I know you're leaving early tomorrow and need your dry cleaning. I hemmed everything for you as well."
--I drop everything off at home, meet Karl around the corner at the bookstore and run to go pick up my laundry... washed, dryed, folded and all for under $20.
--Karl and I drop that off and head to our neighborhood pub where the bouncer recognizes us, shakes Karls hand and tells us to enjoy our beers... I smile some more...
-- I LOVE NY!

While flying back from Chicago, still high off of my I <3 New York day, I got to thinking about home.... I think about "home" everytime I go somewhere where people ask me the infamous..."where are you from" question.
They say, "home is where the heart is".... well, my heart is in a lot of places.

As we flew over Michigan, I got a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. The pilot gave us the scores to the Michigan/Michigan State game and I smiled. Michigan up, 17 -0. About 15 minutes later he gave the score for the Tigers/Yankee game.... everyone on the plane groaned... I secretly smiled. I thought of my family in Michigan as we flew over the glove shaped state and all of the games I had gone to there. Maybe that's why I never felt like a truly committed Yankee fan... I spent my life watching the Wolverines, Tigers, Lions and Pistons... we may have lived in the great state of New York, but it was the midwest teams that were discussed at our dinner table.
-Yep, I'm a midwest girl....

We flew over the great lakes and I felt a little more homesick... I thought of all of the Upstate things I love to do and really don't get to any more:
- driving, real driving...where your foot is on the gas more than it's on the break... with the windows down, car slips into 5th gear, WBER on the radio
- walking outside barefoot... I love when the grass feels like satin under my feet
- early morning cups of coffee while sitting on my parents deck, listening to the birds and reading the paper
- hikes where you don't see or hear anyone but the people you're with
- camping...oh, I miss camping...
- boatrides on the lake... looking around and seeing nothing but water...
- Wegmans...
-Yep, I'm an upstate girl....

Lastly we circled around NYC before we came in for our landing.... and the first thing I thought, "home sweet home"....
- My boyfriend's there...
- My friends that are like family to me are there....
- My job is there...
- I love walking into places in my neighborhood and they know me
- I love brunch on the weekends
- I love that I can call up anyone of my friends and walk downstairs from my office and grab a drink because we all work near each other....
- I love that at any given moment, I can walk a few blocks and go to amazing museums, restaurants, bars or parks...
-Yep, I'm a city girl

So I guess, my heart is in a lot of places... and if I'm lucky, I'll have many more to go....

Patty "The Breather", Jesus and the DOM

2006-09-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

The advantage of working in a small office is that Patty and I can see and hear each other, so we work like a perfect team... one always knows what the other is doing.

The disadvantage of working in a small office is that Patty and I can see and hear each other.....

The D.O.M sometimes just starts talking to me from his office... really random things that I don't care to know or hear about... he usually decides to do this when I'm in the middle of doing something that involves concentration. To rescue me from this Patty usually calls me on my direct dial and pretends that she's calling about something really urgent. Normally this goes off without a hitch. That is until the other day when she attempted a rescue while having a raspy voice because of her cold:

Patty: (breathing heavily into the phone) Sara.... prentend I'm calling about something important...
Me: Oh, hi, I'm sorry Allan's not hear right now, can I take a message....
Patty: (whispering and breathing heavily) Oh shit...can he hear me? (darth vadar-esc sounds here) ok, I'm going to whisper... pretend I'm leaving a really long and important message.....
Me: (stifling a laugh...don't look at Patty, don't look at Patty....) Ummm, ok.... (pause)..... mhmm, ok.... (pause).....
Patty: (again, darth vadar sounds....) Is he still talking???
Me: (don't look at Patty, don't look.....)Yes...I think so?
Patty: Really??
Me: What?
Patty: I said .... Really????
Me: (stifling a laugh and crying) Can I Please have your number? (Ahab turns around from office and gives me a quizzical look...)
Patty: (heavily breathing and whispering) 2...1....2.....(Heavy breathing resumes)...
Me: (click)

I immediately hung up and couldn't keep from laughing...
I really appreciate well timed saves from the DOM when he's driving me nuts, but it's difficult to just run with it when the person on the other end sounds like darth vadar.

The other day I was taking the train to work and some woman started to sing hymnals... I hate when people sing hymnals on the train... but, this woman had a pretty voice and the song was slow and soft so I figured that it could definitely be worse.... 10 minutes later it did get worse... much worse.... She started screaming to Jesus and thanking him... then she started crying and rolling around on the floor thanking Jesus over and over again.... people were getting up and moving into the next train car... I wasn't about to give up my seat, so I stayed right where I was..... She kept screaming "I want to thank you Jesus for giving me strength... please Jesus give me more strength"... then she started listing different things she wanted strength for until some random man shouted..."Please Jesus tell this woman to shut the f*** up"....
Everyone looked at him completely appalled... I looked at him and smiled... afterall, come on people...we were all thinking it, he just had the balls to say it....

The DOM has a major problem with viruses on his computer. Guess he was looking at too much porn online. Our IT guy had to come in and do major damage control....afterwords he told me that he put controls on the DOM's internet... I had to tell the general, who in turn told the DOM while we were all out at lunch....

The general: no more porn, we've got parental controls on you now
DOM: I hope not... I get emails from friends I like to pass on....
Waitress: Any desserts anyone?
Ahab: this...
Patty: Cheesecake
Me: Same
DOM: Do you have cookies?
Waitress: No, no cookies....
DOM: Can I lick your hand?

Back from the Dead

2006-09-22T12:52:00.000-07:00

So I have returned from my hiatus with my new, old nose. I can't really breathe yet, but I'm sure when I can it will be very exciting. I was initially concerned for my first week of recovery that not only would I never be able to flare my nostrils again, but since I couldn't come up with anything witty to say that somehow when Dr. L was rebreaking my nose, she had done damage to my brain. But as time has gone by I have discovered that all is right with my face and brain... well, at least, everything is as it was before....phew.

Being on bed rest for 7-10 days sucks....I can't even say that I sat around and ruminated (that's for you Elissa) about anything because I spent the better part of the time in a drug induced coma, but here are some things I thought about and updates since my recovery....

Why is Rosie so scary happy on The View? She was really freaking me out when the ladies would discuss their "hot topics"...she would be smiling and giggling but yelling at the women at the same time. I mean, it's not a good sign when your viewers are extremely uncomfortable and they are sitting on their couches in the comfort and safety of their own homes.

Never call the plumber when you are home sick. Ever.... Sarah and I had the brilliant idea of having the plumber come in and fix a little leak in our bathroom sink two days after my surgery. We figured, since I was already home, why not?.....3 hours and a whole lot of banging, "I'm sorry Sara I have just one more question", and "$hits" later our bathroom sink was in the hallway and I was on the verge of tears.... very bad idea.

My office sent me a 15 pound giant margarita glass filled with flowers after my surgery. When I am back on my feet again and 100% I fully intend to have a margarita party and that will be my glass.

Why is it when you feel like crap and you are completely out of commission that your life goes to $hit? While I was on my "my face feels like it's been beaten with a hammer" retreat, 5 of my friends were going through pretty major mid-twenties life crap. I felt really bad too because I had a difficult time focusing on anything for longer than 30 seconds and I wasn't really supposed to be talking...so all I could do is just moan at them on the phone... I don't think I was helpful. Also, someone in Turkey got a hold of my debit card info and stole thousands of dollars from me. Now I have to sign an affidavit and my entire financial life is under investigation by the gov't. Not that I have any financial life to investigate...let me save the gov't some time....I'm 26, I'm poor...some man just stole my money...give it back. I've probably been funding terrorists, from my couch in Brooklyn, while doped up on Codeine. Fabulous.

No matter how hard you try you can not look attractive after having nose surgery, you're black and blue, swollen from the IV's and have bandages all over your face. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also came down with a nasty cold 2 days after my surgery. Talk about mass producing all kinds of crazy $hit. Everyday Karl came home from work and took care of me in my basketcase state.... so drugged up that I couldn't even bother to brush my hair. Fortunately I was so heavily medicated at the time that I didn't realize just how awful I looked. But I made Karl and my mother take pictures of me so that I could document it properly. People, I looked awful. I'm going to keep a picture in my purse where ever I go so the next time I'm blasted out of my mind and want to ride something mechanical or otherwise I can pull it out and look at it and manage to "just say no".... I'll let you know how it goes.....

My friend Chris had is movie premier party for his short film 'Humongous' 5 days after my surgery. When I showed up; make up applied, dress on, looking like a human being he yelled at me for taking all of the bandages and packing off of my face for his party. He wanted me to show up as a messed up Joan Rivers. He said I always let him down and then he walked away. Sorry Chris.

My boyfriend's best friend informed me last week that I am going to audition with him and his brother for the Amazing Race. It's going to be team Lacy/Farkas. This should be interesting seeing as Rick does not get up before 11am and can't go anywhere or do anything without a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee or alcohol depending on the time of day. Not to mention, I don't think he's ever even seen an episode of the Amazing Race.....

Yesterday I went to brunch with Sarah and Helen....we drank mimosa's and talked trash about various people (won't mention any ex's names...) and things. We had so much fun that we bought some peach juice and champagne and continued our conversation back at the apartment. Ah, a toast to the crazy ex's.... thanks for for losing your minds and acting like complete rejects thus giving us plenty of material to laugh about. (clink)

Speaking of ex's.... My boyfriends ex recently friended him on myspace. The friend request was sent with a nice email that said his girlfriend (that would be me) is pretty. I smiled and couldn't even look at him when he told me that. When he asked me why I was basically laughing I told him it was because I thought that that was extremely gracious of her. She may not even have meant it, behind my back she may make fun of my big Irish teeth....but she said it to him and I thought that that was extremely gracious and kind. I laughed because when I broke up with my ex -boyfriend, he wanted to "stay friends". This to me means, that we are friends (and friends only) and we will date (and possibly seriously date) other people. I apparently was very mistaken. When I told my ex that I was dating Karl he immediately stopped talking to me, then proceeded to go onto my myspace page and delete all of the comments he had posted on my page. About a month later he deleted my friends that were on his myspace friends list...and about a week ago he randomly deleted me and made his page private which I thought was hysterical because we hadn't even spoken (no emails, phone calls, etc.) in months.....So I laughed when Karl told me about his ex because the difference in behaviors was more than ironic to me.

Big Balls

2006-09-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

The last thing I remember from last night was my boyfriend picking me up off of his couch (blanket and all) to bring me into the bedroom and me saying boldly... "I don't think you can carry me...I don't weigh 120 lbs any more because my balls are so large".... obviously, I was tanked.

This morning Karl sent me the following email:

I remember you said something that took me off guard, and I replied with “you’ve got balls to say that”

And the rest of the night went something like this:

Karl: come over here and cuddle with me….

Sara: I can’t, maybe my big balls are in the way….laugh…..snort.

Right....note to self: Don't drink Six Point beer...it makes you believe you have big balls.

The catcall and the call back

2006-08-29T07:08:00.000-07:00

The catcall has always been puzzling to me. The various calls that guys throw out to unsuspecting women in the hopes of... well, I'm not quite sure. Here are some that may ring a bell:

The infamous whistle
The "hey you sexy thing"
The "nice legs"
The "hey ma can I get me a piece of that"
The "you're a goddess"
and my personal favorite....the "psst, psst", like you're a stray or lost cat.

Most times I walk by looking at something other than the offender, ipod on, earphones in and volume at a ligimately high enough volume that I actually don't hear most details of the catcall. Living in new york, I have perfected my defenses. There are some days though, when I honestly wonder what would happen if I returned the favor... For example, if I get a "hey you sexy thing", I respond with a "no, no.... hey you sexy thing". Would he stutter? Would he think that I was honestly interested and try to get my number? But alas, as much of a smarta$$ that I can be, I lack the guts to be that big of one.
But the other day, as I was walking home, past the four construction sites on my block, and the four large groups of construction workers I got a catcall that I have never received before.... after ignoring the usual calls one of the workers in the last group called me a whore. He actually called me a whore. Not a slut or bitch…or even a ho…a full fledged whore. So, confronted with the situation I did what any self respecting whore would do.... I stopped dead in my tracks, turned and smiled my sweetest smile and flicked him off. Then, leaving them actually speechless, I turned and walked up the stairs into my home.

Betty Crocker Clinic

2006-08-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

Do they honestly have one? If yes, I really need to go.

-This weekend I bought, and ate, an entire box of Entenmann's donuts. Yep, the ones that taste like chocolate covered cardboard. And I loved every bite. I even brought a couple with me (for the road) when we went out drinking on Saturday night.
-Yesterday I single handedly ate an entire bag of Pepperidge farm chocolate chip cookies in about 1 and 1/2 hours... ok, so I let Karl have one, but only because I felt bad that he was hungover...but I really wanted them all to myself.
-Today I literally ate an 11 oz bag (that would be .6875 lbs) of Hershey's kisses. I definitely felt like I was going to ralph half way through the bag, but I couldn't help myself...I wanted to eat the entire thing.

I haven't eaten a chocolate cake out of the garbage yet....but I'm getting pretty close. People should probably be concerned.

Queen of the Chicken Party

2006-08-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

Due to recent events in a very close friend of mine's life....I thought this was a good time to resurrect this blog....

A few weeks ago my friend Ella and I were talking on our way to the train after work. She was telling me about how in her country they have Chicken Parties, similar to the American BBQ, except with Chicken. Often times this is how singles meet new people and some start dating. Ella then told me about this talk show host Camille (the female Jerry Springer) and how she has women on her show that meet men at these chicken parties, swear that their man is only dating them and then 5 "girlfriends" later they bring out the boyfriend. Devastated, shocked and pissed off, these women go at each other and the man typically stays quiet.
Ella had recently broken up with John, a friend, who turned into a friend with benefits, who turned into something a little more. Ella and John dated for 12 months but 10 months into it she started to get the feeling that he was dating someone else. He, of course, told her she was crazy. Flash forward 2 months and Ella finds herself in his backyard while his "ex-girlfriend", Adrienne, is telling her that she and John have been sleeping together and Adrienne is also aware that John has been dating a third and fourth woman as well. What was John's response when confronted by all of this you may ask...Absolutely nothing. He stayed quiet and then left the yard. After telling me this story Ella turned to me and asked me, "So when did I become Queen of the Chicken Party?"
It's funny how that happens, I mean, no one wants to be Queen of the Chicken Party, and yet, unless you are exceptionally lucky you will be or have been Queen of the Chicken Party (in one form or another) at least once in your life. A crown not many of us care to wear and yet when we are little girls wearing a crown is all we can dream about. I remember as clear as day when I was 5 years old and my mother told me that Sara means Princess in Hebrew. I couldn't believe my luck. I was a Princess, a real Princess, I was royalty and it was my birthright, given to me by name! Unfortunately, the memo regarding my coronation did not seem to reach the greater male population and the only royalty I too have been is Queen of the Chicken Party.
Every time I hear one of my friends tell me about how they found out the guy they have been dating/seeing (or whatever the hell those of you who play word games want to call it) is "seeing" (to be kind) a couple of other people the first thing that pops to my mind is; when do they find the time?? I mean seriously, between work, going out with my friends, work, traveling to see my family, work, road trips with my girls and of course shopping I barely have the time to keep one "relationship" afloat let alone multitask like that! And while I think it's totally dick, I can't help but be slightly impressed by their ability to juggle multiple people like that. Let's face it, I'd be screwing up names and conversations all the time.
I can also never understand the friends who stay with the guy even after they find out either. They turn a blind eye and hope for the best, believing all that he says is true. Not me, I have relinquished the crown (and will continue to do so), because that is not the type of Queen that I am prepared to be. It didn't work for Ella either. She walked away from John and never looked back. Two weeks later he was calling her, texting her, leaving her "I'm sorry and I miss you" messages and even calling her friends. Why? Because she walked away, because he knows he will never find another Ella. She is beautiful, successful, sweet and caring and girls like that don't come along every day. And now he sees that, and now he knows.... see that's the funny thing about relinquishing some crowns, you create your own status and that is far more memorable than wearing any other title that someone else has forced on you.

Hold the Tonic please....

2006-08-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I went to go see Tallagdega Nights with Karl, Rick, RD and John (hysterical movie btw...if you haven't seen it, you definitely should). It had been one of those days when Karl and I had run errands all day, had a late dinner and were just meeting friends for a movie. You know the days, those casual, "I lost my belly ring earlier today, thank god I had just bought a new one 10 minutes before, then I spilled my frozen margarita all over the place and I really wanted it...I mean, so badly I wanted to lick it off of the table but that would be totally inappropriate, ugh I just want to be a bum" kind of days. ...... Ultimately we decided to go to a theatre in Ricks neighborhood.... right around where Murray Hill kisses Gramercy. Here's the problem, you can't casually go out to a movie and then stroll to a bar for a drink in that neighborhood....I mean you can, but not the same way you can in let's say...my neighborhood. Why?.... well mostly because of the joys of walking down the street any time after 10pm on a Friday or Saturday in Gramercy and Murray Hill....Westchester and Long Island has thrown up all over the streets it's "best dressed" and most "trendy" individuals. The guys all wearing almost identical button down dress shirts and the girls in their shortest dresses and highest heals. It is truly a sight that I have yet to become acustomed to....and the day that I do means that I have completely lost all touch with reality and I need to move out of the tristate area.
As we walked past Tonic I got a flashback of something....I couldn't quite put my finger on it... then I saw a couple of people I went to college with... The Post (!).... Tonic reminds me of The Post.... The "it" place for freshmen at Albany to go, get ridiculously over dressed and ho themselves out for the night. (there's no denying it....we all did it.) So that's what Tonic is...the adult version of The Post! I really saw the weirdness of it all as I walked past in my jeans, tank, hooded zip (listen, 8 months of chemo does crazy shit to your body temp) and flip flops....and the people outside definitely looked confused as to why we were dressed so casually. Like it never crossed their minds that people actually live in these areas and do regular day to day things...that don't involve heals and button down shirts. I laughed to myself as we walked past....ok, that's a lie...I kind of chuckled out loud...ok, that's a lie too, it was more of a snort (my freaking nose....damn that mechanical bull)... So Tonic, Banc, Tin Lizzie, Metro 53...and all of those other "city bars" that only LI and WC people go to...I'm just going to universally call them The Post. It just fits, and I feel, gets across very clearly the type of bars they are.

Nervous Breakdown

2006-08-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'm at the start of mine. I'm not depressed or anything...I'm just pretty sure that this is what a nervous breakdown feels like. I once heard someone say that "everyone has their tipping point".... I love that phrase and I've decided I'm going to adopt it in honor of the fact that I have been completely off of my rocker the past week (yes, more so than usual).
You know the weeks.... the weeks when:
you find out that not only is your work load about to quadruple but your boss thinks that you're intelligent and capable enough to take on said workload (nobody panic!),
you feel like you're running around so much that you can't remember the last time you sat down on the couch in your own house,
you're getting phone calls from your dry cleaning service because you've managed to leave half of your wardrobe there for 2 weeks,
you realize summer is almost over and you've only gotten to go to the beach once (once!),
you're pretty sure you're riduculously underpaid and all of the "rite of passage" pep-talks make you just want to vomit,
you've convinced yourself that some random person at the bank has been tapping into your bank account and stealing your money because your balance is alot lower than you feel it should be.....
Yep, you know exactly what i'm talking about. And that's the kind of week I was having.
I finished off my week by finding out that I fractured my nose and left cheekbone during my drunken debacle. I literally broke my face. Friday I had to go to meet with a surgeon and this week I have to go for a freaking CATSCAN. I found out that not only was I not brave for waiting two weeks to tell a doctor that I had injured myself, but I was, infact, an idiot. Now I have to wait 4 weeks to have surgery so that they can repair the damage. Ugh... and I have to find the time to do this during a crazy work schedule with possible travel and meeting my bf's rents.... "hi mom and dad, this is my girlfriend...she doesn't normally walk around with two black eyes and a giant bandage on her face...i swear. And she did not get a nose job and plastic surgery...she just broke her face after riding a mechanical bull while blasted out of her mind... Isn't she pretty??"
Normally this wouldn't upset me so much..... but alas, Friday, this was my tipping point. I think I actually almost spontaneously combusted... I'm totally not kidding... I got myself so worked up on Friday that I actually gave myself a fever. Who does that??? Apparently people who are having nervous breakdowns...that's who. At least, that's what they suggested on Web MD when I typed in my symptoms... (should I admit that I did that?)

I am an a$$

2006-08-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

No seriously, it's pretty much certifiable. Let me give you a couple of reasons...just from this morning:

- This morning I signed onto myspace and I noticed that my boyfriend's best friend had sent me a comment... very cool, I am now an action figure. (p.s. I think I rock at being an action figure if I do say so myself) In the process of looking at the comment I noticed he had changed his picture. Being the ditz that I am, I thought that he had superimposed some giant alien penis to his chin in the picture and posted a comment on his page to that effect. Clearly it is not an alien penis... it is his hands. Why would anyone superimpose a penis to their face??? I'm not sure, but I thought he had. My mind is obviously in the gutter... I should probably be ashamed of myself. (Note: I should probably get my eyes checked again as well.)

- I had to explain to my bosses that I had a 4pm doctors appointment today to check on my nose. Steve and the DOM (please refer to past blogs) asked me how I hurt my nose...
Me: um, well..... I fell down
Steve (looking at me suspiciously like I'm a victim of domestic violence): Fell down?
Me: yeah.... it's kind of embarassing....
Steve: so you were drunk??
Me: kindof ... but I definitely would have done it sober too.... I'm a clutz
Steve: how drunk were you?
Me: oh, not really..... (total lie!)
Steve: so, where did you fall?
Me: in a bar...
Steve: yes, but how and where?
Me: ooooh, please don't ask me....

It's official there is nothing worse than having to tell your boss (who recently promoted you due to his belief that you are a very competent person) that you broke your nose while riding a mechanical bull drunk. Nothing!

- Patty's out today, a hostage at the DMV in Jersey.... so I'm swamped. (which is why I'm taking the time to write this blog) I found out that I have to run to a clients office. I wore copper sandals today.... copper(!).... and while they do look stunning, I work in wealth management. I know this sounds ridiculous to some people, but trust me, it's a very conservative industry. 30 minutes later, nervous about the sandal situation I spilled easy mac all down the front of my self. Nope, not one or two noodles... the whole damn thing. I hate myself today.....

Nonsense and my nose

2006-08-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

Just some random things that have happened:

In a moment of dieting miracles I caught a horrible stomach flu and was vomiting for approximately 36 hours straight. While I was home, laying on the bathroom floor, spooning the toilet, convinced that I was most likely dying I got a phone call from my roommate who apparently overnight developed a serious allergy to Tuna. Unfortunately, like most allergy discoveries, she found this out after she ate a ridiculous amount of Tuna. I never knew people could actually turn purple...but Sarah's always been an over-acheiver so if anyone could make themselves turn purple, it would be her. Yes, she was calling me from the drug store, while turning purple, asking me what she should get to help with the reaction. My first thought.... hmm, perhaps a hospital?.... but Sarah swore it wasn't a big deal.... needless to say one phone call to her doctor and some serious amounts of Benadryl later, she was sent home to me. The only condition was that I would be able to look after her to make sure she didn't...oh let's say...stop breathing. I thought about it and decided that in between trips to the bathroom I could definitely make sure she was still alive. So their we were, such a pretty pair...both home sick on a Thursday, not playing hooky...actually sick. Me vomiting and Sarah crashing from the large consumption of Benadryl she had taken to counter-act the effects of the Tuna.

After much procrastination, I went to my favorite salon to go get my nails and eyebrows done yesterday. I got my nails done first and then it was time for me to get my eyebrows done. Now, I should have remembered that I had broken my nose only 10 days before, I should have said something to the woman doing my eyebrows.... but alas, I am a complete flake at times and so I did not think to say anything at all. Well, nothing until I yelped from pain as I heard a slight rip as she leaned on my nose to balance her hand. (Everyone who has ever broken their nose before, just cringed.) Now I can't be 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure that that was more painful than when I actually broke my nose.... mostly because this time I was sober. Eyes instantly bloodshot and tearing I stood up and mumbled something about breaking my nose....next thing I knew there was an icepack immediately on my face. An icepack that got stuck to my face because I still had wax on it. Needless to say, instead of being "right back" from my lunch break, I was gone for a bit longer. As I relayed the story to Patty the first thing that she said was, "well, I hope you don't bruise again".....Too late, one of the first things Karl said when I saw him last night..."you're eye is looking a little purple".... and a little bit later in the conversation.... "Sweetie, maybe you should just walk around with a helmet on until your nose completely heals".
Anyone got a helmet I can borrow?

Two of my good friends hit a rough patch in the healing process of recent break-ups this week. Two! I am fiercely loyal to my friends so I truly take their difficult times to heart. In honor of being depressed and stressed on their behalf, I basically housed an entire bag of Reese's peanut butter cups yesterday. Thank god, chocolate does not have any calories when you're stressed!

I called my doctor today because I decided that it may be a slight problem that my left eye keeps tearing and i can't breathe out of or feel the left side of my nose still. I actually left a message for him and his assistant called me back.

ast: hi sara, it's Ann from dr. smith's office.... dr. smith is on vacation this week but he got your message and would like you to come in and see him in the office tomorrow.

me: oh, well i can just wait until he gets back to see him...it's not a big deal.

ast: no, he said that you'd say that. he told me that 'sara farkas always waits until the last minute to call me. The last time she saw me for a "minor stomach ache" she had stomach cancer... if she's saying it's not a big deal, it probably is a big deal.'

me: oh... ok

ast: so we'll see you tomorrow at 4 sara.

me: ok....

And here I was affraid that they'd think I was over reacting.....

Come One, Come All

2006-08-07T10:22:00.000-07:00

Friday my elevator bank in my office building wasn't working. I had to take a seperate elevator bank and then walk up two flights to my floor. Thanks to the broken elevators and retarded repair men, two great things happened:
1 - Thanks to the stomach flu and nearly 36 hours of violent puking, this woman actually stopped me to tell me I had the smallest waistline she had ever seen... (note: please add random elevator lady to list of people i totally love ... also let's take a moment to thank the occassional stomach flu which always helps shed those couple of unwanted pounds.)
2- I totally met my best friends future husband. Actually I met like 10 possible future husbands. Elissa is always telling me that I need to get lost on the 3rd floor of my building because there are some really hot guys that work on that floor. .... Some? Some?? ..... No, let's try LOTS. There I was glowing from the afore mentioned compliment when a fleet (fleet!) of good looking guys came over to get into the elevator. After I picked my jaw up from the floor I decided that I seriously need to take my single girlfriends to that floor and just get lost up there.... you know, kind of drop them off and say I'll be back in a couple of hours. Seriously, any of you girls looking for a cute guy...send me an email and I'll point you in the right direction.

Pepper Spray and Mullets

2006-08-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

Recently when I was home visiting my family my brother and my father tried to press upon me the importance me carrying around pepper spray. Especially since, in their humble opinions, I tend to walk around in a general state of "I'm not aware of what's going on around me". I tried to explain to them that they don't understand what happens to me when I am in New York... I am not to be trusted with pepper spray. Here are some reasons why:
- Yesterday, on the subway ride home, some guy was using his cell phone as a boom box (no ear phones)...he sat there blasting his crappy music from 1993 -- If I had had some on me, I would have sprayed him with pepper spray.
- This morning, on the subway, some random guy followed me from spot to spot trying to talk to me. I had my ipod earphones in, reading a book and this a-hole is trying to hit on me (!). At one point he leaned over and plucked one of my ear phones out of my ear... -- would definitely have sprayed him with pepper spray.
-As I was waiting for the elevator some guy cut me in line and then preceded to tell me I had pretty eyes... It was a million degrees, 8:30am, and he just cut me in line after I had been waiting for 10 minutes -- Definitely would have sprayed him too.
-Once I was in the elevator some woman who works on the 22nd floor got in...mullet and all. Who still has a mullet?? It's ridiculous... it wasn't even a mini-mullet, it was a full fledged, it must be 1985 mullet. -- Out of principle I would have sprayed her too. Then I would have found out who cuts her hair (shame on them!) and gone and sprayed that person as well.

This is why I have no business owning something like pepper spray.

Pearls for the Princess

2006-07-31T11:55:00.000-07:00

I recently caught myself telling my best friend that "the more I see of the world, the more I am disappointed in it". But that's not really true. It's not really the world I'm disappointed in, but some people, some people that I had thought the world of. It's funny how that happens, how disappointment can have such a strong effect on you. My mother has always told me that a serious disappointment can leave a lump in your throat the same way a serious loss can, and sometimes you just have to mourn it that way.
As I get older I realize that my mother is the wisest person I know. She has always been filled with delicate phrases and comments that she had probably learned from her mother:

"You can't put your self-worth in the hands of others Sara, that is something you must hold yourself... most are not worthy of holding something so precious and fragile."

"As you get older you'll find that the things you would have cheated destiny to hold onto aren't worth doing so... There are many things in life that you will have to work hard to obtain, nothing worth having is given to you....just don't lose sight of yourself and those who matter to you in the pursuit of those things you feel are necessary to have."

"The one constant in life is change; people change, places change and things you've loved will change.... fighting it won't stop it from happening. You must graciously accept it, say goodbye, and move on."

I think of these things as those I love most struggle with the average quarter life crisis questions:

What am I doing with my life?
Is this really my job?
Do I really want to live here?
Is this really my salary?

I think of them as I've watched relationships that have lasted over half a decade fall apart and as friends turn to me for some wisdom.... I'm never sure what to say.... I often say "you're not the same person you were when you were 20, you've both changed". There's an empty comfort in that, I know.... but there's truth as well. Sometimes it's just that simple, just that complex. Change is usually gradual, we just choose not to notice it until it slaps us in the face. I laugh when I think of the little changes:
-I no longer eat Tollhouse Ice cream sandwiches -sigh- (well at least, not weekly) -- the last time I had one was in March... when I was 20 I made a ritual of eating them at least twice a week. I'm not sure when I stopped doing that... one day I just realized I hadn't eaten them in a long time...(I should have one today)
-I need a solid 8 hours of sleep otherwise I'm a mess.... when I was 20, I definitely survived on like 4 hours of sleep, tops.
- I get up at 8:30am, and that's sleeping in (unless I got blasted the night before).... when I was 20, 11am was considered getting up early.
- My boyfriend finishes my meals for me... when I was 20 I could out eat most men (God I miss that metabolism...)
-At 20 I could out drink most guys (yeah Albany!) and then the next day drink about 5 cups of super large DD coffee.... today that would put me right in the hospital with another ulcer.... (I just made myself feel so old)

There are other things "missing" from my life now that I had when I was in my early 20's. Some are significant, some are sentimental, and many are trivial...but all have inevitably been "replaced" by something else.
My mom is right... life is full of change, some of them are painful to watch but there's no point in fighting it. If you're lucky, through the difficult changes, you have wonderful people to support you and one day you come out the other side, better for having been through it.
In honor of knowing I've come out the otherside, and knowing that those I love will do the same, I'm going to have a tollhouse...a bite of something sweet from my early twenties, that hasn't become bitter over the years of change.

The Count

2006-07-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

The Count from Sesame Street is in love with my sister, Nicholle. Okay, so he's not exactly The Count from Sesame Street but he totally looks like The Count and he's from Transylvania. His name is actually Sergio or Claudio or something like that, but I'm just going to call him The Count....I mean, it's not like he actually has a shot... he looks like a muppet. Besides, he's totally on my $&it list....I mean big time. He was given one responsibility when we went out on Thursday with my sister's co-workers...one (!). When Nicholle and I were about to ride the mechanical bull (yes, that's right, I made my sister ride a mechanical bull infront of her co-workers... so I guess I probably deserved the black eyes)...anyway, when we were about to get on the bull I turned to The Count and handed him Nicholle's camera and gave him the responsibility of taking pictures of us on the bull. Now I find out that he didn't take any pictures...(!).... he took like 10 pictures of when my sister was on by herself but not a single one of when we were on together!.... wtf!?... I broke my nose and ended up with two black eyes which means no one will ever let me ride a mechanical bull again and this turd didn't take any pictures!?... Freaking Count....just goes to show you, you can never trust a muppet.

Drinking and Riding

2006-07-31T07:34:00.000-07:00

I rode a mechanical bull on Thursday night ....then I fell off and broke my nose. Yep, thats right, broke my nose. Apparently I have no business riding animals, real or mechanical, while under the influence.
Five years ago, while at a BBQ at my sisters ranch in upstate New York, I decided, after a few beers, that it would be a good idea to go horse back riding. The end result was me in a boot that went from my toes to my knee on my left leg...3 weeks as a boot master and 3 months in physical therapy trying to walk again. So I've definitely scratched riding horses off of my "things I can do while drunk" list.
After 5 gin and tonics and 2 beers, riding a mechanical bull seemed like a very good idea. Especially since I had every intention of dragging my sister onto the bull with me, that way I could hold onto her and not get hurt (Note to self: You do not think logically at all after 3 drinks) Needless to say, after a couple seconds of violent bucking we went flying off and I heard a crack as my nose came in contact with the back of my sisters head. But, not being one to not be lady like, I gracefully laughed, waved at our friends and stepped out of the ring and went into the bathroom before I bled everywhere. Conveniently enough, there was a nurse using the bathroom at the same time and she was able to help me. Funny thing about getting smacked so hard in the face that your head is literally spinning...all you want is a beer, well, and to puke....but mostly I wanted my beer. After some time, I was able to pull myself together and rejoin the festivities. No one was the wiser and I was quite proud of myself. Not only did I manage to lose half my body wait in blood and still keep partying but no one other than my sister even knew I was hurt!! It was great....that is until I woke up the following morning with a splitting headache, two black eyes and one very swollen nose. I desperately tried to recall the events of the night before.....I remembered getting a phone call from Karl in my drunken stupor and me telling him that he was going to have to fly up to Rochester and then drive back to NYC with me because I didnt want to fly with a broken nose and two black eyes....you know, a conversation every boyfriend wants to have with his girlfriend at 2am on a Thursday night (Friday morning). (Another note to self: all forms of communication should promptly be taken away from me after I am injured while intoxicated.) After a couple of minutes everything else slowly came back to me...Ouch......
Right, cross riding mechanical bulls off of my "things I can do while drunk" list as well. This is about to become a very short and boring list.

Random

2006-07-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

Some random things I’ve been thinking about lately:
(Disclaimer: It’s not that I don’t have a life and that’s why I think about this kind of stuff all of the time… I just have a very active mind. Things like this are also the reason why I can’t seem to find my house keys … ever.)

Cucaracha’s v. waterbugs: Why is it that I’m supposed to feel better when it’s a waterbug and not a cucaracha? Waterbugs fly…. and charge at people. My roommate was attacked by one the other day and almost dropped dead of a heart attack. Fortunately she had a frying pan handy to deflect it and give herself enough time to run and lock herself in her bedroom until our neighbor could come rescue her. Waterbugs are not a lesser evil.

Why is there never air conditioning in elevators? There’s heat in the winter but never AC in the summer. There is nothing worse then having to get into a steamy elevator just so that you can officially melt before stepping into one’s office.

I bought Reese’s peanut butter cups the other day to help me with my chocolate craving and they tasted like Pepto. How does that happen? I mean, it’s not like the Reese’s are next to the stomach meds in Duane Reade…. Someone spiked my Reese’s with Pepto.

I was told the other day that if a girl has a tattoo on the small of her back it’s called a tramp stamp. Tramp Stamp?? …. I think tacky jewelry, bad tans and super long acrylic nails are a better indicator. I can think of a lot of different things that could pretty much stamp you as a tramp… I don’t really get why a tattoo is one….I mean, I do…but I don’t.

Has anyone had the privilege of receiving one of the new NYS driver’s licenses? I’m totally convinced that the people who sat down and designed it had all done some serious amounts of acid or shrooming at some point in their life. I haven’t been this freaked out by something pretty basic since my bff in college smoked some serious hydro and was high off of her face watching Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen play laser tag.

I was sitting around having dinner with my boyfriend and his friends the other day. They were having “boy talk”. Guys actually have “boy talk” and it’s just like “girl talk” only about girls. It was hysterical to me. All that I was missing was a mimosa and some stellar sandals (I was in flip flops)… I would have felt just like I was hanging out with my girls.

In order to prevent incidents like the previously mentioned “attack of the prehistoric killer water bug” Karl bought Sarah and I some serious foam growing filler stuff that is amazing! It fills everything (holes, cracks, pipes, everything!) and bugs can’t get through! I want foam grow fill my entire apartment now… and my office too since we have bugs there also… but no one usually lets me use those types of things unsupervised… otherwise I would have foam grow filled my entire life by now.

Naked

2006-07-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

I was the breakfast bitch at work today. I went downstairs and took everyones orders before I went. While I was waiting in line for my order I noticed the chick next to me was naked. Naked! I mean, not literally, but basically. She had on a pair of CFM heals, no need to use your imagination tight-ass pants, and a tank top that her boobs were literally falling out of. Ok, so I know its summer and its ridiculously hot out, but this is an office building (!) and I'm pretty sure they have a "we prefer it if youre wearing clothes" dress code....I do have to admit, she had a banging body I was checking her out just as much as the guys were. Not in a lesbian way...I'm not a lesbian....but in a "wow, that girl has an amazing body and I'm super jealous" kind of way. Anyway, naked woman (one iced coffee) got a few steps ahead of me (3 coffees in hand and two bags of food in the other) when we were walking to the elevator bank on the way back to our respective offices...maybe 5 steps ahead of me. The elevator came and before I could get over and into the elevator she shut the door in my face...!!... I couldn't believe it. Freaking naked b*&%$... there are going to be some serious nasty looks thrown in her direction if I ever see her again.

Good and Hard

2006-07-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

That's exactly the way my best friend likes her creme brulee.... gentlemen take note.

"Let's just wait a minute, I like them good and hard."
- Sarah at Bar Tabac on Saturday talking about her dessert

Almost eaten by a cucaracha

2006-07-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not saying it actually happened.... it just almost happened.
Patty and I were hard at work in the office by ourselves when Patty noticed a giant cucaracha (or something closely resembling one) was in the light above my desk and frantically trying to escape. After I recovered from nearly fainting the following conversation ensued:

Me: Patty it's trying to get out....
PR: I know Sara... do something!
Me: I don't do cucaracha's... omigod, it's going to eat us!
PR: We have to kill it.
Me: Inh..... what are you doing?
PR (while throwing tiny plastic cup up at light): I'm trying to knock the cover off of the light with the cup!
Me: Um, I don't think that's going to work... you have to try something else.
PR: Like the umbrella?...Yes, I'm going to use the umbrella.
Me (picking up coffee cup, binder and general things of importance off of desk): Wait! If you knock it down it will fall on my desk!
PR: Sara, it's like 3 feet from your desk.
Me (squeaking slightly): Ok, someone has to kill it once it falls.
PR: Well, I'm knocking it down with the umbrella...so that leaves you to kill it.
Me: Ok... I'm going to need a really big shoe... (pulling out pump with a mega heal from desk)... ok, I'll do it.
PR: Ready???
Me (almost fainting): I guess.....

It took three attemps at knocking the screen off of the light before the "cucaracha" came falling down and then went scurrying around on the floor. After much squealing (from Patty and I) and shoe pounding (me) it was dead. I say "it" because we're not exactly sure what it was... but it wasn't a cucaracha. It was black and green and almost ate us. We covered it's dead body with a plastic cup and seriously debated leaving it there for the cleaning people to find and take care of. After deciding that that may give it the opportunity to de-squish itself and come back to life we opted to flush it down the toilet in the bathroom down the hall.

Not a good start to the morning.....

Substitutes

2006-07-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

There are many things that I will take a substitute for:

- I happily replaced a boyfriend that couldn't return phone calls or justify his general asshole-like behavior, for one that is kind and returns phone calls and much more.

- I would love to exchange our office "state of the art" HP Laserjet 4345mfp Printer/Scanner/Fax machine for simple a printer or scanner or fax machine that actually works.

-I'll trade up from waxing to laser hair removal

- I'll interchange tea and coffee based on what's available.

But I can not make any substitutes when it comes to chocolate chip cookies. None! I love my chocolate chip cookies. The other day, my boss (a.k.a. Ahab) was kind enough to go downstairs and buy me a chocolate chip cookie...only he came back with an oatmeal raisin cookie. Oatmeal raisin! I hate raisins! But, not wanting to sound unappreciative, I graciously accepted the cookie and said thank you. Two hours later he came out of his office and noticed that I still hadn't touched the cookie. I desperately tried to explain that it was only because I had gotten very busy, but to no prevail. So, I did the unthinkable. I forced myself to choke down the entire oatmeal raisin cookie with a smile on my face. It was torture, but I did it. I really didn't do it to spare Ahab's feeling's.... ultimately, I just didn't want to deter him from buying me any cookies in the future.

Priceless

2006-06-27T10:15:00.000-07:00

Morning Tea and bagel to soothe the stomach: $3

Trip to Duane Reade to purchase; kraft mac and cheese, wheat thins, tampons, midol, therm wrap, tea, soup, trident, reeses and combos: $43

Stomach and PMS ease along with no more cramps: priceless

Ironically, I bought all of the above with my HSBC Mastercard…

What's in a name

2006-06-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how people are so quick to apply labels? .... In high school it was the jocks, the cool kids, the band nerds, etc.... in college it was the frat boys, the sorority girls, the hipsters, the...dare I say it.... "JAP"s. At 26 years old, if I'm going to "label", it's more like ... he's an asshole, she's a bitch. At least with these statements I have something to back it up. Example: "Joe's an asshole because he cheated on my friend Jane. Holly is a bitch because she was Jane's best friend until she slept with Joe." Hang out with me and you won't hear, "you are/were a hipster".... I just don't think like that.
Recently, I have noticed that many people do think that way. And the other day, while out with friends I realized just how much it annoys me when it inevitably comes up in conversation. The only time it really makes sense to me is when someone is trying to describe the vibe of some bar or restaurant to me... "it has a hipster or trendy vibe". But people?? That's just retarded. I don't know of anyone who falls into one specific category so I really don't know why people try so hard to put people into one. While out for drinks I heard someone say, she's a JAP....?? - Wait, do you mean because she's a princess?.... lol... being a self proclaimed princess alone, does not a "JAP" make. Or is someone a "hipster" because they wear Urban Outfitters instead of Club Monaco and they're a writer? -- If this is the train of thought... then is the photographer that wears Club Monaco a...???... wait, what are they? Do we have a label for that? And what about the woman who wears designer shoes during the week, gets her nails manicured at a posh spa...but then goes camping and hiking on the weekends? And what if said person is also a self proclaimed princess!? ... Where, oh where do we categorize these people? No where. They are an adult... an adult with an array of interests who has discovered that just because your profession is in one area, it does not mean that you have to dress to fit the stereotype. That's the joy of being a "grown up". You are what you are, and the more eclectic the better.
I am a self proclaimed princess. I like pretty skirts and to get my nails done once a week. I have a shoe collection to rival many. I also would bet the bank that I know more about football than most boys out there. I own a Playstation and I love sculpting and classical music. I will go out to a club and dance to salsa and hip hop but I have an unbelievable love for anything Bob Dylan. I always pick up Vogue magazine when I'm waiting at the doctors office, but the best birthday present I ever got was my subscription to Time magazine. My favorite pastime on the weekends is going out to brunch with my girlfriends, but I do it in cargo pants and a wife beater... so try to label that. Try to tell me where I "belong". Chances are, you can't. And for those who seriously try... here's a label, "ignorant".

Overrun by the Orange People

2006-06-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

I saw a most appalling site today.... pictures of some girls that were so fake baked that they actually looked orange. ORANGE! Then, as if that weren't bad enough, I noticed that they had the super long acrylic nails with very tacky jewelry. I'm sorry, was I just wisked away to some weird trailor park Oz or do we not live in one of the fashion capitals of the world?? How does one live here and not have one ounce of fashion do's and don'ts sense in them? I mean, we all have our bad days... but we are not photographed when we have them!! Now I know that this makes me sound shallow, and I know that they are probably exceptionally sweet people... but all the more reason why they should be helped.

First of all... even if hypothetically speaking, being so fake baked that you're actually the color of a rotten orange, was considered pretty... why would you do it to yourself?... In 5 years, your skin is going to look like leather and 5 years after that you're going to have serious skin cancer. I mean, let's face it, if you're someone that fake bakes and wears acrylic nails with horrific jewelry, you probably smoke too... so actually, let's take that skin cancer and make it a brain tumor or lung cancer.... fantastic.

Secondly, we live in a city (and I mean Manhattan, and the other 4 ligit. boroughs) that is very health and fashion conscientious... so how do you manage to miss it!! It's everywhere... subway ads, billboards, magazines, radio, tv.... everywhere. So for a while I was completely stumped on how there were some people who just didn't get it. Then I started to notice that the people that tended to have these habits were also people who tended to live outside of the boroughs.... and only in certain areas. So maybe these places need to work on their advertising... but maybe not. I'm from Rochester, NY and while they are not necessarily at the height of fashion there they definitely do not commit the same travesties that I've seen committed elsewhere. Rochester does not have as many billboards and ads as NYC, so maybe it's something else. Maybe there's something in the water in these places... it only appears in a certain radius around the city.....it's difficult to say, I mean, we would probably have to go to a trailor park to compare...(oops, did I say that??)

I've actually decided to turn it into a game... everytime I go out on the weekend and I'm forced to go to some bar/club with a bridge and tunnel crowd I just look around and pick out who's from where... I'm batting 100% currently. Tonight I'm going to Tin Lizzie's on the UES... only because one of my best friends is bartending and we promised him we'd stop by so that his entire night isn't complete torture. I'm going to definitely put my theory to the test there. I figure, if I can't help them... I might as well be entertained by them.

They are taking him to an Oreo....

2006-06-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

Patty's not a huge sports fan, never has been, probably never will be, so I always love it when she gets involved in any conversation relating to sports.... it's bound to be entertaining....

Patty: so I spoke with Joyce from Harry O's office... they're going to take Dave R. to an Oreo....??...
Me: An oreo?
Patty: The Oreo?... The Orelle?.... it's a restaurant or something...?....
Me: An Oriole game?.... It's baseball.
Patty: Oh...haha... I don't know.

KeyFood = Petri dish

2006-06-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

I am of the very strong belief that on the whole, New York City lacks great grocery stores. Sure, Whole Foods is great, but also very expensive....and until Trader Joes came to NYC I thought that we were beyond help. And while Union Square is saved, the rest of us are still suffering. I love my neighborhood, it would take a lot for me to move. Great restaurants and bars, lots of boutique shops, great people, great vibe.... lousy grocery store. We are in desperate need of a Trader Joes, or something of that stratum. My roommate agreed and even wrote a letter to a leasing company in our neighborhood back in March:

From: Sarah
Sent: Monday, March 20, 2006 2:47 PM
To: P, Krystal
Subject: Court House Contact Form: 20-Mar-06

The following form has been submitted on 20-Mar-06 COURT HOUSE CONTACT FORM:

FIRST NAME: Sarah

Please selectCOMMENTS:

Any plans for the empty commercial space on the corner of Court & State? How about a Trader Joes??

On 3/20/06, T, Caroline <> wrote:

Hello Sarah,
Your e-mail was sent to me by the Court House staff.

My name is Caroline T. and I work with Two Trees Management Co. We currently don't have a Tenant for the corner space and are open to ideas.

Do you represent Trader Joes? If yes, approximately how many square feet would a Trader Joes need?
Look forward to hearing from you.
Caroline

-----Original Message-----
From: Sarah
Sent: Monday, March 20, 2006 4:20 PM
To: T, Caroline
Subject: Re: FW: Court House Contact Form: 20-Mar-06

Hi Caroline,

No, I do not represent Trader Joe's. I live in the neighborhood thought and would love to see a Trader Joe's or something of nature in that space.

Just and idea... Thanks for responding.

Sarah

From: T, Caroline <>
Date: Mar 20, 2006 4:21 PM
Subject: RE: FW: Court House Contact Form: 20-Mar-06
To: Sarah

Thank you Sarah.... I will look into that. Caroline

Well, thanks Caroline... no word from you and it's been months... still no Trader Joes, still no tenant occupying the space.... I'm not going to mention any names, but someone isn't doing their job....

Yesterday, I went to the KeyFood in our neighborhood to grocery shop. Quite frankly, that KeyFood should not even be classified as a grocery store... it's a grocery graveyard... it's the place where produce and groceries go to die. But we go there in a pinch because it's 4 blocks from our apartment.

While in the Grocery Graveyard I decided to buy some gnocchi. I went to pick up a package and noticed that the gnocchi was covered in mildew.

Me (to grocery boy): Um, excuse me.... I'm not sure if you've noticed but your gnocchi is covered in Mildew.... It's probably a health hazard or something so you may want to quickly get rid of it before someone says something....

Grocery boy(as he walks away from me): Yeah.... that happens sometimes...

Yeah, that happens sometimes??? wtf?? Not in other grocery stores it doesn't!! This is Brooklyn Heights, not some third world country! The French Revolution started over moldy food..... I mean, granted we're not planning on over throwing our Brooklyn representatives, but still....
We need a new grocery store!

I'm going to move like lightening

2006-06-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

I'm having another Sara day. At least I waited until Tuesday this week. I knew my Monday went too smoothly and that I was in for a major freak out day today.... it had to be if I was going to keep up with my weekly trend of being a complete basket case once a week.
I occassionally suffer from the dillussion that I am able to get ready for work in the morning in 5 minutes, not even 10.....five. I'm not sure where this belief comes from, since even on my best "I'm going to move like lightening" day, I've never gotten ready in under 25 minutes.
Needless to say, I began my day by lying in bed, staring at my wall, as if i didn't have to get up and get ready for work. I decided to come to my senses 10 minutes after I had told myself that I would leave the house in the morning. It was all downhill from there...
- I poked myself in the eye while trying to get my contacts in (because I'm new to the whole contact thing and haven't worn contacts for the past 14 years of my life.....)
- This means I had to wear my glasses today, which is very upsetting since I vowed that I would never wear them on a day that the DOM (dirty old man) would be in the office.
- The DOM def. made another comment about how "great" the glasses look, as he's telling me his internet isn't working. (Darn... guess you can't look at porn all day on your computer! -- dirty man.)
- I completely ruined the hem on my pants when i accidently got the heal of my shoe caught in them, right before I fell on my face.
- I forgot my wallet at home because I'm a compulsive bag changer and I can never just take the same purse to work as to the grocery store, so I inevitably leave something at home.
- Leaving my wallet at home also means I can't return my dress to the Gap, pick up my much needed prescription from the doctors or buy lunch today.
- I'm going to be arrested for harrassment and stalking because the idiot that hosts our website does not know how to return a phone call or email, so I've been forced to be ridiculous in my methods of contacting him (I made my boss call the kid's father) so that I can reach my deadline.
- It's only 11:20am. I have a lot of time left in my day... it does not appear to be getting any better.